The day before I met you.
KIT ROSE – BORN 12/14/16
My sweet daughter was born on December 14, 2016. I wrote this letter to her the night before she was born.
I am writing you this letter just a day before you are coming out to meet us! I am both completely unprepared and more excited and ready than I have been for anything in my life. It is a beautifully terrifying experience to be on the edge of something that will so drastically change my life. I am no longer just myself. You are an extension of me that will forever change my worldview. Having you grow within me has already changed me so much. It has made me face my own life and evaluate my future. I didn’t realize how deeply pregnancy would affect my psyche and make me existentially evaluate my life, but it has forced me to dig deeper, confront my own fears, and move past them into a new future.
Was it hard at times? Absolutely. But I would honestly do it all again to meet you, because there wasn’t one moment I regretted the decision to have you. You should know how very loved and wanted you were and are. Having you feels like nothing short of a miracle. Ovulation tests, a loss, and countless tears were shed before you came into this world.
There were nights I felt so empty because I knew that you were out there, and that we had so much love to give you.
When I finally got pregnant with you it was incredibly surreal and I spent the first few months praying to get through another healthy day with you. Once I felt you move I was able to relax a little, but someone like me never truly relaxes. I will always be concerned about your safety.
There will be times in the future when we will disagree. Women in our family are fiercely independent and stubborn. I think these are great qualities to have for success in the world, but can sometimes come in the way of a happy family life. When you feel as though you can hardly bare me, I hope you remember that I carried you in my womb for nine months with so much love I felt I might overflow. Nine long months of ups and downs, work, moving, tears, laughs, and countless glasses of organic milk that you insisted I consume. I hope you also know that I want to work with you to have a healthy relationship and make improvements to foster our future.
During this pregnancy your Dad and I spent many hours day dreaming about our life with you, and about your future. We hope so much for you and want you to have the tools for success, but we always want you to be happy above all.
But all these things are in the future. My next few months will be filled with diapers, sleepless nights, and endless hours gazing at you in complete awe that you are mine. Right now I will focus on the joy of your birth and existence.
Growing a baby and giving birth is one of the most commonplace, natural occurrences in this world. There are literally four babies born every second, making it arguably the most status quo thing you can do as a human. Childbirth has occurred for hundreds of thousands of years and we hear and speak of it regularly and accept it as if it were merely an everyday occurrence– because it is. Yet despite this, it feels like nothing short of an absolute, life changing miracle to each person who experiences it. It somehow transcends the evolution that binds it in a loop. No matter how grounded in science you are, something about birthing a soul transcends any logic and structure the human mind can attempt to box it in. And it does so easily and effortlessly in a whirl of love, confusion, and pain that is both profoundly human and simultaneously divine. The entire world around you tangibly changes as you create, grow, and nurture a a soul within your own body, hardly ceasing to amaze even the host to the process.
Kit, my baby girl, welcome to this terrible, beautiful world. You are nothing short of pure magic to me.
I love you my Kit.